I tried Five Guys' disgusting limited edition popcorn flavoured milkshake so you don't have to...

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When you think milkshakes, you think about the classics: your mind goes to creamy vanilla flecked with specks of black pods, to thick chocolate with roiling fudgy goodness, and to sweet strawberry with an artificial undercurrent of e-numbers. That’s what milkshakes are all about.

These days, however, milkshakes are increasingly expanding into the realms of the downright wacky, which is how I came to find myself with a popcorn flavoured milkshake from international burger chain Five Guys in my hand. Reader, I was sceptical, and I must admit that, in hindsight, I was right to be.

A limited-edition offering from Five Guys’ entrepreneurial team of milkshake mixologists, the popcorn beverage is described as being a ‘game-changing’ and ‘show-stopping treat’; a shake which ‘combines popcorn syrup and real popcorn pieces for a taste sensation worthy of the big screen’.

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Now, call me old fashioned, but the idea of ‘real popcorn pieces’ in my shake doesn't really appeal for the simple reason that I don’t really want bits of soggy popcorn floating about in my drink. But I bravely persevered anyway, despite being convinced that I’d take two sips and immediately have my flimsy paper straw clogged by a fatberg salty popcorn shrapnel.

Reporter Jack Marshall trying the popcorn shakeReporter Jack Marshall trying the popcorn shake
Reporter Jack Marshall trying the popcorn shake | National World

Let’s get straight to the point: the milkshake was awful. It smelled perilously artificial and had a warm yellow hue to it, which made me think of the stale butter left overnight in the vats of cinema popcorn at your local Odeon. It was faintly foamy on top and, although I couldn’t see any of the promised popcorn chunks, I knew they were hiding in there somewhere.

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The taste was the worst part. It was arguably the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted, not so much crossing the line of sugariness as pole vaulting past it and into a neighbouring vat of gloopy high-fructose corn syrup. If you like popcorn, you might like this in the same way that people who like bruschetta might be partial to a pint of tomato ketchup.

Which is to say that I found it a bit much. I’d expected a popcorn flavour, but this was like drinking melted ice cream from a full bag of Butterkist. With such a strong flavour, less really is more, but the good people at Five Guys had definitely decided that more is more and had evidently piled the beverage high with sugary syrupy goodness.

Five Guys' milkshake stationFive Guys' milkshake station
Five Guys' milkshake station | National World

Three sips deep, I had an epiphany - I didn’t have to consume this. I’d had enough to form a pretty solid judgement on it and my judgement was not complimentary at all, so I could simply stop drinking it. Wandering past a dumpster, I happily tossed the near-full paper cup away, feeling guilty for being wasteful but also glad the whole experience was over.

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